Monday

A man visits a televangelist and asks him to help him with his hearing. The televangelist grabs his heads and violently shakes it back and forth for several minutes, screaming and shouting. After the violent gesture ends the televangelist looks at him and says, “How is your hearing?”

The man replies, “I don’t know yet. It’s not until next Monday at 12:00.”
You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.