Jokes > Tags > If


What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.