Fifty Jokes

"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Fifty is ten past forty
Age is but a number and counting time tends to bore me.
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