Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
You'll never be as well dressed as I, but I'm willing to give you second place.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
You are so cute, you’ve Lily got me hooked
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fangs
Fangs who?
Fangs for letting me in!
My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year.
Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
You're by far the prettiest girl here. The 'Liberty bell' of the ball.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Someone I know gave a really deep speech to convince me to go for a colonoscopy
What else can I say?
Something touched me deep inside.
A friend of mine was describing an exotic bird to me and asked what was orange and sounded like a parrot. I told him, "A carrot".
“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
Long thyme no see.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Everyone teased the snowman for having a pointy nose, but he didn’t carrot all.
Why Do News Channels love April Fools Day?
Because it's socially acceptable to do what they already do every day of the year.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
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