I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
There once was a man from Peru,
his limericks always end on line two.
I know a fun activity that can burn 500 calories an hour...
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
If I supply the voltage and you supply the resistance, imagine the currents we can make together.
What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
me ghosta.
A few years ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Do you want some raisin? How about some jam to go with it.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
How do you hide a $100 bill from a televangelist?
Place it in their bible.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Why couldn't the man 3D printing his face control his excitement?
He was getting a head of himself
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
I’m a raindrop and I’m falling for you.
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Intercourse!
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
I can’t believe such a perfect match could Alexis-t
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
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