“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
It was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ben
Ben who?
Ben knocking on this door all morning, let me in!
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
Why are birthdays good for you?
People who have the most live the longest.
What is red, white, and blue over winter break?
A sad candy cane.
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Spain!
Spain who?
Spain to have to keep knocking on this door!
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Fall hardly happens here, but You'll be falling for me.
Why did the dragon cross the road?
He was dragged on by his mum.
My golf number may not be that good but my phone number sure is!
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
I'll feel more comfortable sleeping at night once I have your number.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Wanna join me for some downward doggy-style tonight?
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
“The only certainty in this life is that Monday comes for everyone. A little humor to face at the beginning of the week always goes well. How about starting Monday smiling?”
Bookworms take shelfies.
“Scientists say the world is made of protons, neutrons, and electrons. they forgot to mention morons.”
Anonymous
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”
Chris Rock
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
Why do husbands appreciate hell?
At least there, they know what they did wrong.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
You know you’re getting old when…
You sing along with the elevator music.
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Sometimes you have to green and bear it.
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot.”
Go to BabaMail
