What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
You’re so attractive, the gravitational disturbance is causing my galactic center to elongate.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Who is your Daddy,
And what does he do?
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Hey baby, my body's like Ontario. Yours to discover.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why did the horse dance while crossing the road?
He was horsing around.
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Buckle up! It is time for re-entry.
I was blinded by your beauty...
I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
You smell. We should go take a shower together.
"Some bunny loves you."
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What sound does a Greek cow make?
"μ"
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
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