Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
Live to tell the tail.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithfull!
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
The artist shouldn't have taken that sculpture for granite, now it's stone-cold.
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
“I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own arse if necessary.” — Betsy Cañas Garmon
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
I’d be Madeline if I didn’t say I was dying to get to know you
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
"Hey there, hop stuff."
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
James A. Garfield
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
Super-duper storm troopers whoop it up at Death Star groupers: helmet thrashing, rebel bashing, laser blasting at party poopers.
I bet your muffled screams are as cute as u.
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Do you want to Australian Kiss?
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
Go to BabaMail
