Wow, your name makes sense because you’re truly Audrey-m come true
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
I would part the Red Sea for you.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I saw you and I pictured us as swans, we could mate for life.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
The nurse in the hospital gave me an entire crate of the wrong medicine AND it was outdated! I almost died!
I got a bad case of poison I.V.
Now I know why there's no snow - you're so hot!
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
Why do they give men Viagra in the old folks home?
To keep them from rolling out of bed.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I’d have a cow pie in my eye.
"How does it feel?"
she asks what.
"To be the only star in the sky.'
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is suns favorite chocolate bar?
A milky way.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
I poisoned my wifes pita dip.
The police charged me with hummus-cide.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
Your bible would look great on my nightstand.
What do you call a female clown?
April Fools.
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
Girl, you’re truly one in Amelia
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Foul Play Suspected In Death Of Man Found Handless, Bound And Hanged
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Are you a practice room? Because I want you and I hope you're not taken
How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
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