Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
I’m attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun – with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.
If my love were music, you'd be the most beaituful lyrics in the songbook
I’m no Thomas Paine, but you and I are Common Sense.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
What time do spacemen get up? Alien in the morning.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
If I supply the voltage and you supply the resistance, imagine the currents we can make together.
Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty buff.
He was a bodybuilder, after all.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?
“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
There once was a girl named Zoe,
She went out in her yard which was quite snowy.
She ate her brother,
Asked her parents for another,
So they had another named Joey.
There was a young lady of Kent,
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
You met all of my koala-fications
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
“Monday, you're so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!”
I was blinded by your beauty...
I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
I must stop eating Snickers
I can’t fit in my knickers
Have less food on my plate
Won’t moan about my weight
(Jan Allison)
"I like the parts of your face that are covered with skin."
- Anchorman 2 (2013)
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Are you a bank loan? Well, you’ve certainly got my interest.
I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.
Looking for some hunka hunka burning love?
Go to BabaMail
