Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
I enjoy your company and the silence in between our yoga mats.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
Are you an exoplanet? Because I’m bad at astronomy and pick up lines.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Is this a catch and release fishing session? Because I don't want to let you go.
If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
"Partners in wine."
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
You will always have
a pizza of my heart.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,
“Nobody puts baby in a coroner.”
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Birch, please.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
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