Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What did the brick road say on thanksgiving?
Cobble cobble cobble!
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a Fineapple.
Why did the chicken stop crossing the road?
It got tired of everyone making so many jokes.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
You knead me in your loaf.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was either chasing an egg or being chased by an egg, I’m not sure which came first.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Are you a needle? Because you are sew special to me.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
You stole my heart, so can I steal your last name?
The garden where only white cars are driven can be called a garden of white carnation.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
I'm the life of the paddy.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
What kind of light goes around the earth? A Satel-lite.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Can you feel our love blossoming into a stable relationship?
Go to BabaMail
