You’re the queen of my heart.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Irish you a whole pot of gold!
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
If you use the church's WiFi, are you receiving God's signal? -- Anonymous
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Join us for plenty of play action.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Hey, I just got my flight number. I’m just missing your phone number.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Q. What is a mime's favorite time of the day?
A. Dusk, because all the colors are muted.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.”
- Gustave Flaubert
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
“I don’t need the facts. I’m a Pisces.”
— Phil Volatile
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
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