It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt
You must be a bowling ball since you’re right up my alley.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I'm going to have to get a security guard because you're trying to steal my heart.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications
As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
"That's just spam."
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
I just love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
Can I take a few shots at your goal?
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because it thought it was a chicken.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Go to BabaMail
