A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
Are we going to do some gravity experiments? Okay, let’s test how fast I would free fall for you.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish!
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
It's a-boat time for a holiday!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
If we raced, I would let you win, so I could get a good view from the back.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Which candy do astronauts like? Marsbar.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Are you a red light because stop.
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.”
Irish I had better jokes.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times as big as the bush!'
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
You’re the only (cutie) pie I need.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
Everyone teased the snowman for having a pointy nose, but he didn’t carrot all.
Girl, are you an adjective? Cause you should come first every day.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
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