Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
You look pretty fun, I hope this means I’m headed into a new S-era of good luck
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
How do I know many hundreds of digits of pi greek and not the 7 digits of your phone number?
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
You shamrock my world.
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Hey baby, can I roll up your rim?
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied "No they're dead."
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What's Hitler's favorite video game?
Mein Kraft.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
Let’s go to my place. I’d like to show you my puck collection.
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
Aaron you glad I messaged you first?
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
Cute dog in your pics! Can I have his number?
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.
Leaking oil every day
Having it your own way.
Going up hills real slow
I don’t want you any mo’.
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.
(Cecilia L. Goodbody)
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter!
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Are you a supermarket sample? Because I don’t want to be ashamed of tasting you over and again.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused,” I’d be thinking “where the heck did all these nickels come from?”
Hey, how'd you like to recreate the Big Bang?
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Go to BabaMail
