It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
“Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with friends.”
— Unknown
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the goldfish cross the road?
Because the chicken was on holiday.
Get me some cooling aloe gel, because you are making me as hot as a sunburn.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Wow, you're so cool in this hot weather that my freezer is jealous of you.
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I'd take my last breath to say "I Love You".
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
"No body won the skeleton race."
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Fall is a-maize-ing.
An innocent fellow named Tim
Met a zombie quite horrid and grim.
Tim patted its head
Before it had fed.
I wonder what happened to him!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Go to BabaMail
