How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Want to go for a ride?
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Anaerobic respiration reminds me of how you take my breath away.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
Mooning is very ASStrological
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
The two of us go perfectly together like hydrogen and oxygen.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
I heard you like math, so what’s the sum of U+Me?
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"Whenever I See"
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Better read than dead.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What’s Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O’Furniture.
“New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time — most, unsolved.”
Johnny Carson
Are you religious?
Because your prayers have just been answered.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Go to BabaMail
