How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
First, a tractor.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Take a page from the book and leaf.
"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
Roses are red,
The earth is wide,
You’d look much better,
With me by your side.
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.
Are you British?
Cuz you just colonised my heart.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
When the cats and the bats are about
Many witches are near, no doubt
If one is in sight
And you're filled with fright
Don't worry - just yell out a shout.
Are you Charlotte Brönte? Because you're a breath of fresh Eyre.
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Blue jeans are immortal. They never die, they just fade away!
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
You must be the one for me… Since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To knock-knock on the door, walk into the bar, and change the lightbulb.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
What kind of Nurse can cast spells?
A Curse Practitioner.
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
There’s only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
What is red, white, and blue? A sad candy cane.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Go to BabaMail
