Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
I'd buy a tandem bike just to ride with you.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
Can we still share a netflix account?
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and people who love you. And I don't love chocolate.
Look for a rainbow connection.
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
How was heaven when you left it?
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Give me your number so I can make the call.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Why are gay men so well dressed?
They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was free-range.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was bored of just standing there.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
– Unknown
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
Who's the scariest dancer ever?
The Boogie Man.
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