These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
Re:LAX
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”
— Marlo Thomas
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Hey, baby, you’re not Paradise Lost, you’re Paradise Regained.
A woman takes her son to the doctor's and tells the doctor that he thinks he's a chicken.
The doctor asks, "How long has he been like this?"
The woman replies, "Three years."
The doctor exclaims, "Three years! Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
The woman says, "We needed the eggs."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,
No one heard such a scream,
As was screamed by that lady of Russia.
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons — balancing them badly.
Dominic Pick-Up Lines
If you take the "L" out of LOVER. Its OVER.
What position does a ghoul play on the soccer team?
Ghoulie!
You’re as beautiful as a flower, but I think I rose to the challenge.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme… Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have had two dollars. And the guy above them? He’d get tons of dollars.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Here’s my number. Send me a text when you’re ready to fall in love with me.
(Pick up a sugar packet off the floor) Uh, miss? I think you dropped your name tag.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
You're a good egg.
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Do you prefer stiff or limp fishing rods?
Are you an alarm clock? Because I want to kill you.
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote
I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic. But thankfully I’m cured.
I’m ex-static!
Are you Rudolph’s red nose? Because baby, I would say you glow.
Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X, she's not coming back, and no we don't know Y.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Go to BabaMail
