Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Are you the Godiva store? Because you seem sweet and way too fancy for me.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
"Sip happens."
Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.
We can share my yoga mat so we can become one.
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
I always have a ball with you.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Nice asteroids.
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
I'm having a sale in my bedroom. My clothes are 100% off.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
— Glen Cook
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
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