Where there’s a Willow there’s a way… and I hope this was a good way to break the ice
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.
I needed a run up, but I made it.
You must be from Paris, because you're driving me in Seine.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
My bunny is fat
He loves to eat cabbage
No wonder he’s fat.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
The sun is just a big space heater.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
“Arguing with a fool proves there are two.”
– Doris M. Smith
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
Aren't you tired? Because you've been galloping through my mind all evening.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Hmm, there seems to be a kiss of mint in this blend. How about a real kiss, just to be sure?
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Made a whole bunch of dad jokes at Thanksgiving dinner...
I pulled out all the Pops!
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
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