Two pebbles washed up on the beach. One says to the other, "Are you married?"
Other replies, "No, I'm shingle."
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
Have you seen the Greek book that became a movie? You odyssey it.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
Why did the Easter Egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Wish upon a starfish.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
How many zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change it, and one not to change it.
Your mausoleum or mine?
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
Why is Facebook like jail? You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know.
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken!
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What is red, white, and blue over winter break?
A sad candy cane.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
Biology - The only science where multiplication and division are the same thing.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Go to BabaMail
