Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
They were denied axis.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Wow, wouldn’t mind if you became my significant otter.
Wine improves with Humans improve with wine.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
(give a dozen plastic roses) "I'll stop loving you, when these roses die.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Are you a break stroker? Because you make my knees weak.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
(Unknown)
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
Do you mind if I slip my rope under your route?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fossil
Fossil who?
Fossil last time, open the door!
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
You are aged to perfection.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
I'll neck ya like Hawko necks a beer!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.
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