What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court…
The game would be cancelled.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
There was an Old Person from Gretna,
Who rushed down the crater of Etna;
When they said, 'Is it hot?'
He replied, 'No, it's not!'
That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
My landlord asked me out on a date.
He said I should be out of the house by the 17th.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
Girl give me a chance and I will show you a world of our own where spell of love began and our hearts become one
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Are you hypokalemia? Because you make me feel weak at the knees.
Are you Jewish? Cause you IS RAELI HOT.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gorilla!
Gorilla who?
Gorilla burger! I've got the buns!
Get clover it, babe.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Have you ever wondered why gulls are known as seagulls? It is because they are by the sea. Had they been by the bay, they would have been called bagels.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
They say this stuff makes clothes really soft. Want to come over and have a feel?
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
The two of us go perfectly together like hydrogen and oxygen.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
Are you a booger? Because I want to pick you first.
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it..
then my illegal logging business is a success.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I know we just met, but will you marinade me?
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
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