Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.

If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.

They aren’t gnome for their humor.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.

My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.

The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!

Are you epinephrine? ‘Cause baby, you make my heart race….

You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.

What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.

Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
— Robert Frost

What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!

Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.

Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.

Why did the corn cross the road?
Because it was being stalked.

What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!

What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”

Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.

The Best Break Up Lines
Want to know a joke? Our relationship.

What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.

What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."

“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?”
- Francis Parker Yockey

I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.

“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”

- Robert Brault.

How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.

Are you French? I want to take a french kiss from you.

I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.

Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.

What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.

Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.

I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.

What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.

Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.

Hey girl… Can I call-cu-later?

"Grandma's On The Dancefloor"

Grandma's on the dancefloor
Shaking what she's got.
If it don't shake, it wobbles,
And boy, does it wobble a lot.

The old moves don't come easy
Even though she's got new hips.
She swings them almost freely now,
And you can barely hear them click.

Grandad's in the corner,
Sipping on his beer.
Will he shake his booty?
My Grandad - No fear!

Grandma means the world to him,
And he's her Mr. Right.
He's the one who'll walk her home,
The one she'll kiss goodnight.

My sister just got married,
And the party's in full sway.
She's hand in hand with Grandma
Twisting the night away.

Sister pulls Gran closer
To make sure that she's listening.
Then Grandma stops and shouts aloud
"We're going to have a Christening."

– Graham Craven

My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.

What do you call Bears without ears
B.

What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.

Your ass is so nice, it's a shame you have to sit on it.

Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.

“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”

- Rodney Dangerfield

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.

What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.

What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.

Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!

What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.

Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.

Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's