My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
I ain't greedy baby, all I want is all you got.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!
Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Green glass globes glow greenly.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Let’s get drinks this weekend. Are you Lilli-an, or Lilli-out?
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
Go to BabaMail
