The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.

What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes

When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.

What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.

How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.

I’m trying to find a date for this weekend…do you Noah guy?

Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible

What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.

How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.

What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Damn.

Let me kiss you.

(Unknown)

What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”

"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"

I like big books and I cannot lie.

What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck

It’s raining cats and dogs outside.

I think I just stepped in a poodle.

“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous

What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.

They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.

What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.

I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.

“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”

- Elayne Boosler.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.

What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!

“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

What do crows read? Cawmics.

How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.

Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply

It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.

Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.

If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!

My sister was diagnosed as color blind. The revelation really came out of the blue.

Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!

Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"

What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.

My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...

"Whenever I See"

Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.

What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.

I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.

I’m stuck on you like igloo.

How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!

What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."

Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!

My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."

If ice cream could be grown on the tree top,
Tiny tummies would be liking it lots.
Any fruit flavour
For all to savour.
Do stop by at the ice cream tree shop.

If only the trees could grow lollipops
With a sharp tangy taste of lemon drops.
Lolly licky-lick
With a zingy twist.
Come along with a skip and a hop.

If chocolate heaven grew on tree leaf,
Bountiful, tempting, delicious to eat,
A smooth, silky, treat
In a chocy feast.
If only they weren't so out of reach.

If bubblegum grew upon trees that blew
Bubbles in the air, to catch and to chew.
Be nimble, be quick;
Remember the trick.
Don't swallow, because gum sticks like glue.

All are welcome at the Candy Tree Shops.
Feast your eyes on all the goodies they've got.
There are enough treats
For all down the streets,
So come and join the jiggery-jog.

(By Beryl L Edmonds)