I was calling the hospital, but it seems they were busy. The picked up the phone and said,
"Urology department, can you hold?"
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Are you from history? Because your body looks royal.
I’ll never fir-get.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
Are you a sprint set? Because you get my heart racing.
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
If I’d give you eleven roses, what would you see in the mirror? A dozen roses.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
This morning I saw a beautiful flower, and thought of you.
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Your profile pic is so cute. The human isn't too bad looking either.
Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I'm actually way hotter than poutin.
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They would all be a lot more comfortable.
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
Alzheimer's Center Prepares For An Affair To Remember.
Go to BabaMail
