In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Are you wi-fi? Cause I’m totally feeling a connection.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian checks her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yes, that's the one."
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Haven’t I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?
Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To knock-knock on the door, walk into the bar, and change the lightbulb.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
Can I go to France this year? Of Corsican!
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Hey babe - are you the ex leader of the Australian Democrats because I'd love to Despoja.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins?
He baptized one and kept the other as control.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been Rosey.
Yoda one for me!
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
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