What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Would you allow me Du-bai you a drink?
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
I had four cans of alphabet soup.
Just had the largest vowel movement ever.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
You know you’re getting old when…
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
Tell me of this thing you humans call... (dramatic pause) love.
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Girl, you’re like Propofol. You’re a knockout.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Urine.
Urine who?
Urine trouble if you don’t answer the door.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
Go to BabaMail
