Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
Roses are red, violets are blue. There’s nothing in the world more prettier than you.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I tried to write funny love poems for you,
I attempted as well some cute and silly ones too.
But it seems I haven’t yet learned how to rhyme,
So, I beg of you, honey, please give me some time.
One of these days, I will figure it out,
Until then, I hope that you will not pout.
Trust me, my man, you really do inspire me,
I’m just not good with words, as you can plainly see.
It’s not that easy to come up with love poems, you know,
So, for now, I’ll just find another way for my love to show.
(Unknown)
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
I'm actually way hotter than poutin.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Are you a banana because I find you a peeling.
My love for you is like no otter.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn…
But they said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Mark Twain
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
"Darling, you're on fire. Like doughnut grease."
- Duck Dynasty
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Hey baby, can I get your phone number? Oops, too late.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Go to BabaMail
