How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
Sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Guy: Have you ever been fishing before? Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!
You are more precious than my blue suede shoes
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Man: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Woman: No thanks, I don't like small talk.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
You’re udder-ly perfect.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
I cannot espresso
how much you mean to me.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
Without you, I feel like a fragment. Incomplete.
If you shave your legs as well as that fennel, I can't wait to touch them.
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
Your mausoleum or mine?
Would you allow me to experience what’s beyond your Event Horizon?
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Now get out there and pick-up your boat race sweetie!
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
Are you an omelette? Because you’re making me egg-cited!
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
Baby, I'm like efavirenz. I can decrease your odds of nightmares, but you still may have strong vivid dreams about me — a very common side effect.
A funny young fellow named Perkins
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety three
And pickled his internal workings.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
Go to BabaMail
