Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
There's some cabanossi and cheese back at my house with ya name on it.
Is there an excessive heat warning or am I just hot for you.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Yah.
Yah who?
No, I prefer Google.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
All punts are highly intended
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
“Every man is a d*** fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
― Elbert Hubbard
Are you a musician? Because you make my heart go staccato.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
"The Attraction of Levitation"
“Oh, dear!” said little Johnny Frost,
“Sleds are such different things!
When down the hill you swiftly coast
You’d think that they had wings;
“But when uphill you slowly climb,
And have to drag your sled,
It feels so heavy that you’d think
‘Twas really made of lead.
“And all because an Englishman,
Sir Isaac Newton named,
Invented gravitation, and
Became unduly famed;
“While if he had reversed his law,
So folks uphill could coast,
It seems to me he would have had
A better claim to boast.
“Then coasting would all pleasure be;
To slide up would be slick!
And dragging sleds downhill would be
An awful easy trick!”
– H. G. Paine
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Hey baby, can I get your phone number? Oops, too late.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What song does a painter sing when he is in truly dire straits? Monet for Nothing.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
My favorite attractive force is Van der Waal's force. Can you feel it? I'll move closer if you can't.
I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival
My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal.
Variety is the ice of life.
Go to BabaMail
