Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Do you have the power of a volcano? Because I lava you!
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
Honey, if you were a space station, you’d be called Deep Space Fine.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
I had gradient expectations on him of being a good artist, but it was all in vain!
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a Fineapple.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Want to plan a ride up the hill. It feels great when you're on top.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
E. B. White
You’re so attractive, the gravitational disturbance is causing my galactic center to elongate.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Are you a lateral pterygoid because you make my jaw drop.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by.
You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see, I sure would be delighted with your company.
Why did the chicken family cross the road?
They thought it was an egg-cellent idea.
You must be phylum because you seem to be above class.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Go to BabaMail
