You know what they say... Big Feet.
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
What do you give three-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you better hope he likes it.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
"A clever person takes notice of everything; a stupid one makes a comment about everything."
- Heinrich Heine
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws!
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
when I’m with you.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
If we were chromosomes, you’d be my homologous pair.
Ireland you money, if you’ll pay me back.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
I wanna Margaret your Thatcher.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
(Staring at boxes of cereal) I treat all boxes with respect.
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
A couple decades ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Do you like yoga? Because I could downward dog you all night.
Pad kid poured curd pulled cold.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.
Take off your shirt, I want to be closer to your heart.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Do you have any raisins?
No? How about a date?
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
Are you Christmas? Because I want to Merry you.
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