What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Whatever coats your boat.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
A cynical man wishes to a Genie that he would be a psychic.
The Genie nods and snaps his fingers, and the man is warped back to his home.
Eager to see if the Genie was telling the truth, the man tests his power on a friend. When he failed to make the right guess, he shouted in frustration.
"God. I KNEW this would happen!"
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I think we'd grow a great organic garden together.
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Are you an angle? Because you're so acute.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Is that an energy bar in your pocket, or are you just happpy to see me?
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
I'm a good basketball handler, what about you?
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
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