I would hate to see you go, but I love watching your leaves.
There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times as big as the bush!'
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic.
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Are you a Victoria's Secret model? Because heaven's missing an Angel.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Q. Why are orange jokes so dumb?
A. Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns.
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I love you deerly.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
It took God seven days to make the world but it'll only take seven digits for you to change mine.
Why was the museum curator so good at judging paintings and sculptures? He was talented at art official intelligence.
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Twinkle twinkle little star.
You should know just what you are.
Once you know just what you are,
the mental hospital isn't that far
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
Jimmy Fallon
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Are you a model?
Have you ever wondered why gulls are known as seagulls? It is because they are by the sea. Had they been by the bay, they would have been called bagels.
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
Are you a brand new racing suit? Because you make me forget how to breathe.
Go to BabaMail
