Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
I want to stick to you like glucose.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
Oh wow sorry – I just got l’Austin your eyes.
I must be a Snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
How are you still so fat when you've been running in my mind for so long?
You are the hottest thing since sunburn.
You're by far the prettiest girl here. The 'Liberty bell' of the ball.
I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike *some* people.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning.”
Hey girl, you sure float my Ark.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
You: Can I borrow a quarter?
She: why? (if she says sure or something else get her to ask you why).
You: so I can call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
Go to BabaMail
