Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
Are you my voice? Because I don’t want to lose you.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
What’s the suns favorite clothes brand?
Kelvin Klein.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
Girl I just gotta get you. Call it animal instinct.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
You asked me what love was and I did not know how to answer it. Now I know it's a feeling that can not be mastered.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Are you a verb? Because you look a little tense, but I can put you in the mood.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
But I will recover.
Your gloves are nice. Where did you get them?
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
"Here for the right riesling."
What do you call an old person with really good hearing?
Deaf defying.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What did the lipstick say after he let down his friend?
I’ll make it up to you.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
Let's procreate like the snakes in the Narcisse Dens.
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Since all the hot ones are already taken, this is going to be your lucky night!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
If we are both math majors, then why is there so much chemistry between us?
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
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