Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
I would love to live in Yorkshire, because it Leeds me to your heart.
“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” —Dylan Brody
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
"You could be drinking whole [milk] if you wanted to."
- Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Twinkle twinkle little star,
Point me to the nearest bar.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
"Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
— Bronwyn Polson
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Grammar has never been my strong suit.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
I have the perfect emoji that describes you, but it would look much better next to your number on my phone.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
If I get hooked on you, will you hook up with me?
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
I checked the meat thermometer, and you’re officially one hot bird.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
You smell... We should go take a shower together.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
Sorry for stating the obvious
But you look good!
There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself...
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