A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Excuse me, I just farted over there. Can I stand here with you?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
It’s allergy season again?! You’ve got to be pollen my leg.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Whats the difference between the Bride and Groom In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains.
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
Steven Wright
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
Come witch me to the party.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
You're a good egg.
What is the quickest way to get back on your feet when money isn’t really coming your way?
Miss a car payment.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
Your plants have taken roots deep within my heart.
How are you still so fat when you've been running in my mind for so long?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
If you were a jack-o'-lantern, I'd totally light your candle.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Some might buy you candy
Some might buy you flowers
Some might think it dandy
To dance below rain showers
But I think that the best way
To show you that I care
Is just to share a Sunday
Clad in our underwear!
French, French Revolution
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
If you wake up in a RED room, with no windows or doors, don't be alarmed, you're just in my heart.
Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
Do you breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
If I said you had a gorgeous shell would you hold it against me?
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Happy Birthday, Old Buddy!
Are you like me a bit?
I let my mind wander,
It didn't come back...
But better over the hill...
...than under it.
Go to BabaMail
