I aorta tell you how much I love you.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe out Literacy.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
I don't think you can diagnose me because there's no treatment for being madly in love.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Why’d you dress up as a princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party?
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You look like a donkey,
And smell like one too.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
There once was a man from Tibet,
Who couldn't find a cigarette.
So he smoked all his socks,
and got chicken-pocks,
and had to go to the vet.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
You can be the queen of my kingdom.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
Looks like I’ve finally found my one and Zoe
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Go to BabaMail
