What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!

What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.

Hey baby are you a boxer? You should try it, because your one hell of a knock out!

Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.

Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”

I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."

The moto of their school bowling team was ‘let’s knock em down’.

Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.

What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.

Wanted to use a cheesy pickup line but toBrianna-st with you, I think puns are sort of ovedone

"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings

You'll never be as well dressed as I, but I'm willing to give you second place.

My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.

The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...

It hertz.

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.

What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.

You must be a 90º angle. ‘Cause, you’re looking right!

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.

Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.

What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals.

A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.

An intrepid explorer named Petty,
Intended to capture a yeti.
But the yeti yelled, Freeze!
I’ve a gun—on your knees,
While my Dad gets the ring and confetti.

Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone

My frinds call me Legato, since I'm so smooth

Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink

I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.


The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."

Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!

Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.

What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!

Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm

What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin

A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.

What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.

What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.

What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!

Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.

“I think yoga should be for everyone, not just the folks who change their name to something Hindu.” — Tara Stiles

I’d love to spend some time Matthew

Girl you are like the sweet song of a choir.

Cows get sad whenever they hear the songs of the pop band 'The Mooooo-dy Blues!'

What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!

Don’t be elfish.

This date just made my day Emil-ion times better