The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
"I'm a Taurus, and I defy you to find someone more stubborn, opinionated, and determined than me."
— Gary Garrison
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
A circus performer named Brian,
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
Jimmy Fallon
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
I want you for myself like Newfoundland has its own time zone.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
I want to stick to you like cyanoacrylate.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Are you the flags in a 200 back swim? Because I’ve been looking for you forever.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” —Damien Fahey
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Thanksgiving is over… Want to watch Christmas movies and chill?
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
You’re what I’m most thankful for this year.
Let's do lunge together
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
For you, nothing in this world
I would ever trade
You are more precious to me
Than a dazzling Jade
From every troubles of life
You have given me bail
Today I promise that for you
My love will never fail
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
Go to BabaMail
