Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Sorry I didn’t get you any chocolates for valentines day...
But if you want something sweet,I’m right here
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty
We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash
The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs
Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape
But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.
- Paul Curtis
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Aww, what's your pup's name? He has such a sweet face.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hiking, it’s that the early bird gets the face full of spider webs.”
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
The slogan of a televangelist
"God will grant you all the money I need."
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
Flowers like our minds, open at the right time. Mine has opened to receive your love.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Packing is my expertise. So, I can easily fit into your heart.
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Hey girl, are you a Sharpie? Cause you are Ultra Fine.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
One day I found two pumpkin seeds.
I planted one and pulled the weeds.
It sprouted roots and a big, long vine.
A pumpkin grew; I called it mine.
The pumpkin was quite round and fat.
(I really am quite proud of that.)
But there is something I’ll admit
That has me worried just a bit.
I ate the other seed, you see.
Now will it grow inside of me?
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
"My Cat Is Fat"
I’ve a cat named Vesters,
And he eats all day.
He always lays around,
And never wants to play.
Not even with a squeaky toy,
Nor anything that moves.
When I have him exercise,
He always disapproves.
So we’ve put him on a diet,
But now he yells all day.
And even though he’s thinner,
He still won’t come and play.
– James McDonald
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
Go to BabaMail
