I could never Passover you.
Hey, Are you made of candy? Because you look sooo sweet!
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
I want to read you from cover to cover.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Have you checked in yet? Because I've been check-in you out all day.
At a recent job interview, the hiring manager
asked me if I can perform under pressure.
I said: "No, but I can do Bohemian Rhapsody."
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Snow on and snow forth.
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
You had me at ruff.
I “lub” you.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
The sun is just a big space heater.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
You’re unbeleafable.
You're the only sight I want to see today.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
You’re sledding a fine line there.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
I love your energy.
"A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first."
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
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