What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
"Fun Grandpa"
My grandpa knows, the art of the laugh,
So many jokes, but reveals only half.
We’ll enjoy, those fun random talks,
He makes fun of things, during our walks.
Hilarious moments, he will readily find,
Walk into a wall, and pretend to be blind.
Whenever I see him, he’s sporting a smile,
Mr. Bean had a much better style.
A serious illness, for jokes he will fake,
Moments later, random faces he’ll make.
Seems like grandpa just wants to have fun,
At church, he tried, to pick up a nun.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
“We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” —George Carlin
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I slipped some Great Barrier Reefers in yur drink.
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables and sets them down on the bar.
The bartender said: "Now don't you start anything!"
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
You’re what I’m most thankful for this year.
Get me some cooling aloe gel, because you are making me as hot as a sunburn.
You must be regulated by the FDA because you treat, cure, and prevent my broken heart.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
How do you get dragon milk?
Find a cow with no back legs
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because it was a zebra crossing.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
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