What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
Your lips may be saying no, but your endorphins are saying yes.
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
How do you get dragon milk?
Find a cow with no back legs
"Time wounds all heels."
A place under Government
Was all that Paddy wanted.
He married soon a scolding wife,
And thus his wish was granted.
(Anonymous)
Do you use Spotify free? You should join my Premium Duo for all the features.
Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.
It wasn't 2b.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you, I'd only have a dollar because you never leave my mind.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
You're as hot as a desert summer.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
There once was a lady from Guam
who said, "Now the sea is so calm,
I shall swim in the dark!"
She encountered a shark.
Let us all sing the Twenty-Third Psalm.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Will you, William? Will you, William? Will you, William?
Can't you, don't you, won't you, William?
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Are you from Mars? Because your a** is out of this world!
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark, you still seem to shine.
Money can't buy me love but it can buy you a drink
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
Ants in your plants.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I'm no Joseph. Perhaps you can help me interpreting the dreams I've been having about you?
My spiritual gift is my good looks. It lifts peoples spirits.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Go to BabaMail
