Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Why did the chicken stop crossing the road?
It got tired of everyone making so many jokes.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
What kind of humor did the Founding Fathers partake in?
Dad jokes
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Husband material.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Robviously, I couldn’t help but ask you out
Girl, you must be norepinephrine because you make my heart race.
What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
Girl, let me take you home and show you my advanced statistic.
The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
All punts are highly intended
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
Is it hot in here or did you just use 'whom' correctly?
Do you know karate cause your body is kickin'.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Go to BabaMail
